SportsTRACKer: Girls need 'a level playing field' and other observations

When children start playing an organized sport, it's only natural for the parents to have some hopes and expectations. In my case, I hoped my kids would fall in love with the game and want to play it as they grow up.

Sometimes the hardest part is managing those expectations. I want to share just a bit about my two kids this spring because I have learned a bit from each of their experiences.

My 9-year-old daughter, Karen, played her sixth season of soccer this spring. She loves the game, even though she knows she is never among the best players on her teams. She has always played in a rec league with co-ed teams. This season, Karen moved up to the 9/10-year-old classification. To her credit, she tried hard with her slender 55-pound frame. But we both learned very quickly that she didn't stand a chance against the boys, who were much bigger, stronger and faster than she is. Plus, some were 18 months older.

If you find yourself facing a decision about a co-ed league for your daughter, I would suggest carefully considering her best interests. At times, Karen was discouraged — and even scared — by the more athletic boys. But each year, she wanted to continue.

And also know this: The boys dramatically outnumber the girls in many co-ed leagues. This season, our rec league teams averaged 10 boys and 3 girls. The number of girls dwindles as they "age up" in the leagues. I suspect that many girls quit playing once the boys establish themselves as stronger and more athletic. And that is a shame.

And when I say you might want to consider your daughter's best interests, I'm talking about her competitive best interests and her self-esteem. This season, I watched one opposing coach continually move his best forward (a boy) so that he was on the same side of the field as the smaller girls playing defense on Karen's team, hoping to take advantage of the less-skilled players. If your daughter winds up in this situation, keep an eye on her reaction. If you sense that she is feeling embarrassed or humiliated, maybe look for a girls league the next time around. Girls deserve to compete on "a level playing field," to quote a popular phrase.

(For the record, I am actually old-school about kids playing sports. I don't blame the coach for exploiting another team's weakness. Smart move on the coach's part. Sports are about winning and losing. Kids need to know that. But I also think it's important that young kids have a chance to compete against proper opponents, so they have a realistic chance to excel).

By the way, Karen made the decision — on her own — to play softball this fall. It's a girls league!

My other lesson this spring came from my 6-year-old son, Conner. He played t-ball for the first time, despite showing a limited interest in any sports to this point. From the beginning, I knew I couldn't push him. First of all, his interest level seemed to vary daily. Second, it's extremely hard for most kindergarteners to throw and catch and learn the basics of fielding and baserunning. Quite simply, they're too young to grasp all of it.

I tried on several occasions to play pitch-and-catch with him at home, and he showed no interest at all. His enthusiasm was confined to practices and games. What I realized is, Conner is going to connect with baseball on his own terms. And at this age, that includes digging in the infield dirt, climbing the dugout fence and securing his postgame snack and drink — just like most of the other kids. (Once, I looked at his team out in the field, and they had four fielders between first base and second base, all sitting down, playing in the dirt!)

But it's a start. That's what I kept reminding myself. Like most of his teammates, Conner has learned to hit off the tee pretty well, and he knows where to run on the basepaths. That's progress.

The truth is, there is no way to make a child love a sport. The best you can do is give them a chance to learn with peers who are at the same skill level, and then encourage them. If they love it, everybody wins.