SANITY FOR THE SINGLE PARENT

SINGLE PARENTS are essentially UNPARTNERED PARENTS, whose myriad of (unshared) responsibilities often overextends the most vigilant of two-parent households.

The challenge faced by single parents is compounded as the need to compromise and relenquish a future we had envisioned for ourselves and our children melts before our eyes.Often pressed to make decisions without the provision of likeminded adult deliberation or feedback, the peacegiving single parent must identify and sustain realistic objectives, all the while redressing previous expectations and procedures.

With time, the single parent will discover that help offered is not necessarily HELP.

Why we need to scrutinize help source options...whether personal or professional:

While seeming at times overwhelming, unpartnered parents must purposefully secure for themselves, together with their children, family-gratifying experiences that serve to build a new pattern for nurturing family life.

Continue to remind yourself: "THIS TOO, SHALL PASS":

The worst situations, given time and perspective, are often the stories we later share in humor.

Connect with other single parents. It may take a few attempts before you find a good match, but it will prove worth the effort when one is made. Another single parent will be facing many of the same challenges, and consequently provide effective support and direction toward reasonable objectives and solutions.

Each city area offers families a variety of avenues for accessing fun and education. Many groups, locations and resources exist in your area, and from which single parent families can benefit. Take the time to find what suits your family.


THE UNPARTNERED PARENT

Will frequently become the target of advice-givers. Often advice is doled out by a friend, family member or co-worker who either intentionally or subconsciously:

1. Is a chronic advice-giver
2. Is tired of hearing your troubles and is seeking a way to quiet you.
3. Will expect you to take their advice, and if you don't, may become irritated, and subsequently distance themselves.
4. Is unfamiliar with the spectrum of your situation, and (regardless of positive intent,) may be advising directives capable of generating irreversable negative impact to your family's general well-being.
5. May be motivated by a desire to accomplish something other than helping you.
6. Will subsequently feel that you owe them.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:

1. What is my relationship with this person/organization, and does this person display a track record of having served up good counsel?
2. How does this person respond to their own personal disappointments and unexpected life events?
3. How do I feel after spending time with this person?
4. Is this a government agency?
5. Do I trust this person? (Unfortunately, trust must be earned.)
6. Before I share personal information about my circumstances with anyone outside of our household, can 7. I determine ways in which they could misunderstand and thus inappropriately (and hurtfully)respond?

THE ONLY QUESTION TO ASK THE ADVICE-GIVER:

If I follow your advice, what will you do to fix it and consequently support me, in the event that your advice fails or worsens my situation? (This is a highly effective tool to deter any advice giver, on any topic!)


A CUSTODIAL PARENT REMAINS THE HOME PRINCIPAL, AND THUS SHOULD BE PRESENT AND INCLUDED IN COUNSELING AND/OR MENTORING BY OTHERS (AT EVERY INSTANCE ) THROUGHOUT THE AT-HOME TERM OF EACH CHILD.

May our dreams of their futures never overshadow theirs...

Cotton