Parent-Child Tea Time Creates Warm Memories and Enhances Social Skills

An upcoming annual event in downtown Raleigh provides parents with a rare opportunity to spend quality time with their children while exposing them to Colonial history and enhancing their children's social skills. The Joel Lane House Colonial Tea Sept. 20 from 3 to 5 p.m. in downtown Raleigh invites little girls learn about the custom of taking tea in the colonial and early American eras with moms, dads, grandmoms, granddads or other loved ones. Participants drink tea from historic china tea sets, eat beautiful cakes, and participate in crafts and games after tea.

But the quality parent-child time and social education children accumulate during events such as these are the most valuable prizes of all. In the new paperback version of "Ships Without a Shore: America's Undernurtured Children," author Anne R. Pierce describes the simple lessons learned when a mother sits down with her child for a tea party.

As she pours real tea into her own cup and milk into her child’s, the “how to do things” is taken seriously. The child is encouraged to say “thank you” and to pass the cookies back to his mother, and their chat begins. Although they are pretending to be two adults, the ritual is real; it occurs in a real home setting, provides the child with real food and drink and with real opportunity for “mature” conversation. The mother says, “I’m so glad to be here for tea. How have you been? The child, enjoying the opportunity to play the part of his mother’s friend, says “Fine! Would you like another cookie?” Oh yes, thank you,” answers the mother. “These cookies are delicious! Whatever is your secret for making such good cookies?” The child is learning about civilized behavior.

Pierce goes on to say that the difference between "taking tea" with a parent or grandparent and another child at a learning center or daycare, for example, is clear.

Then, picture the toy tea set at the Learning Center. Two children decide to have tea. They fight over who has whom over to his house. In response to the one child asking, “How have you been?” the other loses interest and walks away. Too much of this peer-centered kind of “learning” and not enough of adult-focused learning clearly has negative implications for a child’s social development. The child simply cannot learn right from wrong, proper from improper from other children who themselves have trouble making these distinctions.

Consider another tea time story from Garry Meldrum, co-owner of Turning Point Gallery in Chapel Hill. "A man and his daughter came into the gallery, he a little sore in the joints from sitting at his daughter’s little table having tea. I remember now that little girl was very confident in expressing her opinion about what she thought was the best art in the gallery. Her dad listened and they agreed on some and didn't agree on others, but she was self confident and was being listened to." This indicates the closeness this father and daughter share--from having a tea party together, to sharing their thoughts and opinions with each other about fine art hanging in a gallery! Their closeness has increased her confidence.

The benefits of close interaction between parents and children are numerous. Tea time is a perfect way to strengthen the parent-child bond. If you're unable to attend the Joel Lane House Colonial Tea, ask your child to set up a tea party for the two of you at home. These simple acts often lead to memories your children will hold onto ... and repeat with their children someday.