On (forcing?) daughter to accept new beau?

To protect anonymity, I have not included the actual query, but will share that this woman complains of her 14 month old becoming very clingy, only wanting her mother, and there is a new man in her life, with whom she apparently takes her daughter for overnight stays. He insists on putting her to bed, and getting her up in the morning, supposedly to give the mom rest. The daughter screams the whole time. I hope she will understand.

As a single mom who has dated, I know about dreaming of finding someone to just slip into that huge now-vacuous chasm left by a former husband/daddy. Wanting something, (no matter how desperately,) will not magically render the object of our desires.

Your daughter is expressing a real unmet need, and apparently it's one that only YOU can fill. (and definitely not by forcing her in the direction of her fears) This behavior will pass, but if and when this guy "passes" too, you will be left with the torment of parenting an even more insecure daughter. The best thing you can do now is to dedicate time each day to spend with her, doing the things she likes. Don't include new beau in this Mommy-Daughter time, or anyone else, for that matter.

During these few first precious years, give her a solid foundation for life where you demonstrate to her that she is the most important person in your life.

The "pull" you are feeling is an influx of dopamine and hormones that can easily blind us to problematic flaws in a new romantic "prospect." It would be advisable for you to investigate this man's past.

You alone,represent the source of her safety and well being. This is the job that automatically comes with being a parent. The selfless measures you take now will one day pay off more than you can imagine. Know this: Your daughter is not acting out to spite you or anyone. She is fearful and needs you to protect her.

In the first six months of a dating relationship, you are the recipient of the best of that person. If this man is not virtuous, you will regret allowing him to force his way into your daughter's life. I would think if he cared about her, he would not want to continue doing things with her that only make her cry.

You will survive without others taking your daughter so that you can sleep/rest, and you will even survive without a mate. I assure you, having no partner is far better than destroying the parent-child bond with a bad one.

If this guy turns out to have done anything inappropriate, you will have to answer to more than your own heart. Social Services receives many anonymous tips upon which they investigate immediately. And, as a result, many moms in search of romantic love have lost their children and their beaus as well.

I know you don't want to hear all of this, but you can't help your daughter to be OK with one or both of your eyes tightly shut.And I promise that you will not be OK if your daughter isn't.

And, please, please, I urge you to not allow a pregnancy to crop up out of this new fling. You will be the one who is stuck with the outcome of your parenting choices, good or bad. And often, parents don't recognize their mistakes until the opportunity to correct is no longer available.

I believe there is still opportunity to comfort your daughter, who will be with you after all the guys are gone. One day you may desperately need her comfort. She will not be able to give what she has not been given.

Our young children are blank slates, upon which we inscribe the perspective from which they will discover their destinies.